i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize