I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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