Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
