I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
