there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Shame - the story of my life.
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