woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
