Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize