You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize