I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
