I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
