She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
