apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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