i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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