This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
