Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
