so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We are two peas in an std pod
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
