he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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