Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
