I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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