I just threw up on my dentist
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you traded sex for a burrito?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
