im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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