Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
