Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
