Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
