just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
