Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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