Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
