There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
