Got a toothbrush?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
