You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
