Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
