are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize