There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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