yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
