feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
