Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
