I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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