Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
