none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize