She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
