I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The uberlube is also flammable
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
