I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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