My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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