If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
