How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
