Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
