Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Welp...herpes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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