I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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