What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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