You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
