I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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