Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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