Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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