u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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