I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
