I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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