The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
