Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
