Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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