I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
