how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
