im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
