did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
