you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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