i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
