My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
