well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
