How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
