I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
