allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize