It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
