i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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