Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize