how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
