So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
