When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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