I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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