I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So much rum. So many feels.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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